Welcome, this
page was one
I had at my old site. There it was going to be a joke page. So as it stands, and has been standing,
this is
now a page with my collection I'm not going to lie either, the list is
LONG,
but fun to read. And I want to have But, without further ado, Here is the list.. *smiles* ( And just as you were warned, Read at your own digression )
¬ How can there be "self" help "groups"? ¬ Do hermits ever suffer from peer pressure? ¬ Would playing a blank tape at full blast be a good way to torture a mime? ¬ If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? ¬ Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? ¬ If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? ¬ If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ¬ If a persons kills their clone, is it murder or suicide? ¬ If you hire Dr. Kevorkian to assist with your suicide and you live, can you sue him for malpractice? ¬ Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'? ¬ Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? ¬ Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? ¬ Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? ¬ If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens? ¬ Why call it the Human race, when there's no race to it? ¬ Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? ¬ Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? ¬ Why do they insist that all buildings have directories in braille? How do blind people find the signs? ¬ Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? ¬ Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? ¬ If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? ¬ Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ¬ At an "all-you-can-eat" restaurant, is there a penalty for eating less than you can? ¬ Why is an orange an orange, and an apple not a red? ¬ Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ¬ How can you have a Twelve-ounce pound cake? ¬ Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10, but hot dog buns come in packages of 8? ¬ Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? ¬ If olive oil comes from olives, and corn oil from corn, where does baby oil come from? ¬ What was the best thing before sliced bread? ¬ Why is there an expiration date on "sour" cream? ¬ What happens to buttermilk when it spoils... does it turn sweet? ¬ Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? ¬ If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? ¬ Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? ¬ Do horses ever get hungry enough to say 'I'm so hungry I could eat a human?" ¬ If a cow laughed hard enough, would milk come out her nose? ¬ If bulls have horns, why do they 'moo' instead of honk? ¬ When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? ¬ If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? ¬ What do you plant to grow a seedless oranges, and seedless watermelon? ¬ If you can plant a tree, why can't you tree a plant? ¬ If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? ¬ Where do forest rangers go to get away? ¬ Why is it that when you're at the beach swimming and it starts to rain, everyone gets up and leaves? ¬ Why is it that when you have an umbrella with you, it doesn't rain, but if you don't have one, then it normally does? ¬ Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly? ¬ If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ¬ Where does the white go when the snow melts? ¬ Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? ¬ When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? ¬ If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? ¬ How can someone "draw a blank"? ¬ How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? ¬ Does an invisible ink stain have to be cleaned with invisible spot remover? ¬ Could you be arrested for selling "illegal-sized" paper? ¬ Why do people drop a letter in the mailbox, and then check to see if it went down? ¬ What's the need for a mailbox in front of the post office? ¬ Why is it when we transport something by car it's shipment and when it's by ship it's cargo. ¬ If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? ¬ Why is called a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? ¬ Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ¬ If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? ¬ Why does lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? ¬ Why call it "all-purpose" flour? I mean can it be use it to bathe in or use it as a driveway sealer? ¬ How can a product be new and improved at the same time? ¬ Why buy shampoo when the real poo is still free? ¬ Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? ¬ Why do they call it taking a dump instead of leaving a dump? ¬ Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? ¬ Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? ¬ What does the Q in Q-tip stand for? ¬ When you open a new package of cotton balls, it the top one meant to be thrown away? ¬ Why is it 'toothbrush' don't we brush our Teeth? ¬ Since the plural of tooth is teeth, how come the plural to phone booth isn't phone beeth? ¬ What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? ¬ If your nose runs and your feet smell, are you built upside-down? ¬ How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? ¬ Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? ¬ Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? ¬ Why do you press harder on a remote-control, when you know the battery is dead? ¬ Why do they have a an eject button on a dvd or vcr remote? You still have to get up to take it all the way out or change it. ¬ Why do they report power outages on TV? ¬ So what's the speed of dark? ¬ Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light? ¬ Why is it that day breaks but never falls, and night falls but never breaks? ¬ If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? ¬ Why would you buy a solar-powered flashlight? ¬ If you were driving a car a the speed of light, what would happen when you turned you head lights on? ¬ Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? ¬ If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? ¬ If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? ¬ Why go to all the trouble of building a hidden driveway when the highway department puts up a "Hidden Drive" sign? ¬ If you come across a fallen down street sign, do you have to do what it says? ¬ How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? ¬ Why is it we drive on parkways, and park in drive ways? ¬ Why do they call them mobile homes when 99 percent of the time they are not? ¬ Why is it a "garage door opener", when it can also close the door? ¬ Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door? ¬ How come there's never a garage actually for sale at all those garage sales? ¬ Why do you turn your radio down in the car when you're looking for an address? ¬ Why do radio stations interrupt "60 minutes of uninterrupted music" to tell you that you're listening to 60 minutes of uninterrupted music? ¬ Is it OK to listen to AM radio in the after noon? ¬ Why do 'tug'boats push their barges? ¬ Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? ¬ If something is 'Found Missing' is it really lost? ¬ What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? ¬ Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposites? ¬ Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? ¬ Why do boy bands sound like girls? ¬ What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about? ¬ Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there? ¬ Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting? ¬ If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? ¬ Why is an outdoor theater called a "drive-in"? ¬ If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? ¬ Do cats know how to count to know when they will die? ¬ Why do ads for pet products promise you that "your dog will thank you for it" but he never does? ¬ Do pet birds wonder why you are staring at their carpet? ¬ What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? ¬ Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? ¬ Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? ¬ If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? ¬ Is an English muffin in England just called a muffin? ¬ What do the French call open mouth kissing? ¬ Isn't the "after party" just another party? ¬ If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ¬ When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute. ¬ Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after? ¬ Why do women have a pair of underwear, but just one bra? ¬ If the word "bra" is singular, why is it supporting 2 objects? ¬ Why do men have nipples? ¬ Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs...shouldn't they wear nightgowns? ¬ Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? ¬ Why is there a "permanent press" setting on an iron? ¬ If blondes have such bad reps, why does everyone want to be one? ¬ If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library? ¬ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? ¬ Why do people look up when they think? ¬ Does fuzzy logic, tickle? ¬ Is the statement 'I'm lying' true or false? ¬ Why is it only a penny for your thoughts when you give your two cents worth? ¬ Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? ¬ Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? ¬ Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? ¬ Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? ¬ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ¬ If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? ¬ If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? ¬ Why can't we just spell it 'orderves' and get it over with? ¬ What is another word for "thesaurus"? ¬ Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? ¬ Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? ¬ Why is the Hooked on Phonics number 1-800-abcdefg? How are you supposed to call that if you can't read? ¬ Was the order of the alphabet determined by that song? ¬ ...7, 8, 9, 10... But if Seven is always eating nine, how is there enough numbers to count any higher? ¬ If we go to school to learn social skills, why aren't we allowed to talk in class? ¬ Why do teachers need answer guides? ¬ If a full-time professor is a "prof" is a part-time professor a "semi-prof"? ¬ Have you ever noticed that by the time somebody decides to make a long story short, it's always too late? ¬ If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? ¬ What happens if you add water to a condensed book? ¬ If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? ¬ If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? ¬ If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? ¬ Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there? ¬ How big is a jumbo shrimp? ¬ Do catfish have nine lives? ¬ Why does the word 'fish' get used to explain one or many? ¬ Do fish get cramps after eating? ¬ After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? ¬ Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ¬ If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? ¬ If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box, what color would he be -- clear? ¬ What did moths congregate around before light bulbs were invented? ¬ Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach? ¬ If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in? ¬ Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? ¬ Why do relatives ask "Would you like to see the new baby?" is there really an old baby they could show instead? ¬ If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? ¬ Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? ¬ There are 365 days in a year, yet there are 52 weeks consisting of 7 days each, which equals 364 days. Where does that extra day go? ¬ If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? ¬ Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? ¬ If you're not allowed to smoke at a gas station, why do they sell cigarettes there? ¬ Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? ¬ If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? ¬ Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? ¬ Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? ¬ Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? ¬ Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? ¬ If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? ¬ If this is the land of the free, why is somone always trying to sell me something? ¬ Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? ¬ Why are wrong numbers never busy? ¬ Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers? ¬ If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? ¬ If a train-station is where a train stops, so what is a workstation? ¬ How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow? ¬ How is it that one can never "rants" or "raves". Why is it that we have to do both? ¬ When sign makers go on strike, is anything painted on their signs? ¬ Who puts those 'Thin Ice' signs out there? ¬ Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? ¬ How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? ¬ Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? ¬ Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? ¬ If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, that is it expanding into? ¬ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell a man a bench has wet paint on it and he has to touch it. ¬ Why is it when we talk to God, we are praying... but when he talks to us, we are crazy? ¬ What would an "imperfect" stranger be? ¬ Do monster children dress as humans on halloween? ¬ Do witches run spell checkers? ¬ If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends? ¬ If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, why then is his hair always so neatly combed? ¬ Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? ¬ When a Smurf is choking, what color does he turn? ¬ How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun him? ¬ What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? ¬ Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop? ¬ Can you really avoid injury in an airplane crash if you jump out when the plane is just a few feet from the ground? ¬ When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me! ¬ You know that little indestructible black box on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same material? ¬ Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? ¬ Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? ¬ If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? ¬ Are there any unguided missiles? ¬ Peace-keeping "missiles"? And they call it Military "Intelligence"? ¬ War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left. - Submitted -
¬
If the British car
company MG merged with the movie company Metro Goldwyn Mayer and the
care company General Motors, would the new company be called MGMGMGM?
¬ Why do they have Drive-Thru liquor stores? ¬ If a cat always lands on all fours and bread always lands butter-side-down, what happens if you strap buttered bread to the back of a cat and throw them? ¬ When Jesus was shocked or exclaiming about something, did he shout, "ME!" or "OH MY DAD!" instead of "Jesus Christ" or "Oh my God"? ( Thanks - Secret Admirer )( submitted 12-10-03 ) ¬ Why does decaffeinated coffee often cost more? ¬ Why are they called Cookies, if you bake them? ¬ If you take the garbage out is that considered a date? ¬ If you hold a revolving door for someone, is that still considered polite? ( Thanks - My Tony ) ( submitted 12-29-03 ) ¬ What do the blind call 'blind' dates? ¬ Do you need a towel for the car pool lane? ¬ Is it still skinny dipping if your overweight? ¬ Do sheep count people to help them to sleep? ¬ Why buy a bottle or can of Iced tea, when you know there's not ice in it? ( Thanks - Christine ) ( submitted 01-05-04 ) ¬ Are there Bi-Polar Bears? ( Thanks - Al ) ¬ Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? ¬ Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? ¬ Why do they call it 'corn on the cob', when that's how it comes naturally? Why not call ever other way, 'corn off the cob'? ( Thanks - My Tony ) ( submitted 5-23-04 ) ¬ There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? ( Thanks - Anonymous ) ( submitted 6-07-04 ) ¬ Why isn't common sense common? ( Thanks - N-W-) ( submitted 6-10-04 ) ¬ Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ¬ Why is it, banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters? ¬ Why is the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ¬ Why do people leave cars worth thousands in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage? ¬ Why do drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the store for their prescriptions while the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? ¬ Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? ¬ Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? ¬ Why does the sun lighten your hair, but darken skin? ¬ If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ( Thanks - Tony ) ( submitted 5-13-05 ) ¬ Why do they call a Hamburger, a 'ham'burger? ( Thanks - Allie ) ( submitted 6-28-05 ) ¬ Why is it bottled water has an expiration date? What happens to it after that point? ( Thanks - Cook ) ( submitted 7-7-05 ) ¬ Why is Salt Water Taffy, sweet? ¬ Do electric cars have gas pedals? ¬ Would a 10 gallon hat hold 10 gallons? ( added 8-10-05 ) ( Thanks to television) ¬ Why do they put 'movie' stars on the cover of the TV guide? that's not what's on TV. ( added 9-25-05 ) ( Thanks to television) ¬ If the large intestine is called the colon, is the small intestine the semicolon? ( added 2-05-06 ) ( Thanks to Leroy Samlall)  - Submission Form - |